Tag: Energy

  • Cranio Sacral Therapist and Student Newsletter 21

    February 26 – 2007

    Questions and comments for this issue:

    + The CST steak knives set.
    + Facial bone movement revisited (how knowing how to describe it could save your life)
    + Why do we need to learn anatomy and technique if the work is fundamentally energetic?

    Hello John,

    I’m feeling a bit like a steak knife salesman
    in an infomercial because I’m excited!!
    I’m excited about all the great stuff I’ve
    added to my web sites. . . and it’s all just for
    you.
    No, don’t thank me, just call the number at the
    bottom of your screen now.

    In the ‘Patient Resources’ section of my sites
    I have added Free downloadable Articles and Books!

    There is a great article by Al Pelowski about
    treating a new born baby that won’t stop having
    seizures and another one by Trish Banks about how
    to address the emotional needs of the family,
    particularly the children, when going through
    separation and divorce.  It’s basically a mine
    field map and excellent stuff.
    There are the Wallace D Wattle books.  That’s
    right all three of them.  The science of getting
    rich, being well and being great.

    As you might have noticed, it is giving me a
    lot of pleasure to finally get around to making
    all this great information available.
    You can direct your patients to the page and
    let them get whatever article they want or you can
    print out the article you feel is relevant and
    then give it to them.
    John Upledger, Peter Levine, Jim Jealous, there
    all here at
    http://www.open-source-cranio.com/resources/downloads.html

    But wait there’s more!

    I have finished the ‘CST Therapist and Student
    Resources’ section.  So now you can find all those
    cranio sacral books you have been looking for, all
    in the one place.
    Edward Muntinga’s excellent 3D Cranio sacral
    DVD is there too.  It is such an excellent tool
    for getting your head around the way the cranio
    sacral system moves.
    http://www.open-source-cranio.com/sacral-training/resources/

    And it just gets better!!

    Etienne and Neeto Peirsman have just brought
    out a book about Craniosacral Therapy for Babies
    and Small Children.  It has heaps of very cute
    pictures of Etienne treating babies.
    Get a warm glow here. http://www.craniobabies.com/
    Now I know where Geppetto ended up.
    Pinocchio will be so pleased.

    But that’s not all!!

    I’ve been keeping the best till last!!!
    I finally managed to do something I’ve wanted to do
    for ages.
    No, not combine roller balding and hang gliding,
    though I am getting closer on that one.
    No, what I’ve finally managed to do is set it up so
    you can now download Free Anatomical Animations from my
    sites.
    You can see a fetus and a developing embryo here
    http://www.open-source-cranio.com/sacral-training/embryonic-development/

    Phew! I think I need a lie down after all that
    excitement.  So while I’m doing that
    let’s have a look at the mail bag.
    Okay, there’s no bag really.
    It just sounds better than saying, ‘Let’s have
    a look in the Inbox.’

    ***QUESTION***

    Hi John,
    Just a quick question on your last issue about the
    face.  I didn’t get the box on the balloon thing
    for the face.  It sounded good but I just didn’t
    get it.  The movement of the facial bones is
    something I had given up on being able to
    verbalise.
    I can feel it but couldn’t describe it to save my
    life.  I do know if I could get my left brain
    involved it would good.
    Any (other) ideas?

    Saludos
    F.K.
    Berkeley, CA.

    MY COMMENTS:

    Man, your letter made me laugh.  I immediately
    had this mental image of you having to describe
    the movement of the facial bones to save your
    life.

    There you are with a gun to your head and the
    villain whispering menacingly in your ear, ‘Just
    tell me the way the vomer moves in flexion and no
    one needs to get hurt.’

    What a hoot.
    Far be it from me to get in the way of you
    living to a ripe old age so I’ll do my best to get
    you out of danger.

    Let me explain why you may be having trouble.
    We all have a predominance in the sense that we
    receive information through.  The common
    descriptors for this are visual, auditory and
    kinaesthetic.  Smell and taste are included under
    kinaesthetic.
    Visual people will receive information by
    seeing.  Auditory people will receive information
    by hearing and kinaesthetic people will receive
    information by feeling.

    Our predominance shows itself in the way we
    communicate.
    A visual person will say, ‘I SEE what you
    mean.’
    An auditory person will say,  ‘It SOUNDS like
    you understand.’
    And a kinaesthetic person will say, ‘I FEEL
    like you both missed the point.’

    Learning styles is a large field and well worth
    knowing about so you can adapt your language to
    you improve your communication.   If you know what
    type of person you are talking to, visual,
    auditory or kinaesthetic, you can adjust your
    language to the way they will best receive what
    you are saying.
    You can find out more about it here.
    http://www.vaknlp.com/
    http://www.businessballs.com/vaklearningstylestest.htm
    http://www.grapplearts.com/Learning-Styles-in-Grappling.htm

    So I hope you see what I mean and you are now
    feeling like you will be able to really hear me on
    this facial bone thing.  (That should cover all my
    bases.)

    I am guessing you are predominantly
    kinaesthetic.  So my description of the cranium
    and face being like a balloon with a box stuck on
    the front didn’t really hit the mark with you
    because it is a visual metaphor.

    Here’s the good news.
    Once you know about these learning styles you
    can translate one style into another or more
    importantly into your own style.
    So in this case I suggest you get a balloon and
    inflate it but not too much.  Then draw a face on
    it. Then pull it into extension and squash it into
    flexion.  Do it a few times until you can really
    feel it.  Then get a little box and tape it to the
    balloon.  Then make the balloon go through flexion
    and extension a few more times. Watch the way the
    box moves as you do this.

    Taking my visual metaphor and turning it into
    something you can actually feel should make it
    instantly understandable to you.

    You can translate anything you are having
    difficulty learning into your own learning style.
    Kinaesthetic people can make models of everything.
    Visual people can translate everything to
    pictures, graphs and diagrams.  Auditory people
    can translate everything to sound, musical if
    possible.

    Another really powerful thing that kinaesthetic
    people can do is include smell and taste wherever
    possible and practical.  These are very powerful
    senses and will really lock it in.

    You are right about getting your left brain
    involved.  It is very important.   I am going to
    talk about it more in my response to the next
    letter so I won’t go on about it here.

    One last tip, stay away from medically
    inquisitive villains that carry guns – it will end
    in tears.  Probably obvious but someone had to say
    it.

    ***QUESTION***

    Dear John,

    I am a year into my cranial studies and very
    excited and captivated by the beauty of this work.

    I avidly consume everything I can about cranio
    sacral and have read most of the major works.

    In Hugh Milne’s books he talks about this work
    being fundamentally energetic yet goes into great
    detail about anatomy and technique.  John
    Upledger’s earlier books are very technical and
    mechanical but his later books are more spiritual.
    Franklyn Sills books are mostly spiritual and
    philosophical with some mechanical stuff and
    William Sutherland’s writing is very spiritual.

    You haven’t written a book but the topics you
    cover in your newsletters (Thanks by the way,
    they’re great.) range form very specific and
    technical to very ‘out there.’

    What I am trying to understand is if this work is
    fundamentally energetic then why do we need to
    learn all this anatomy and technique?  If it is
    all so fluid why so much structure?

    Looking forward to your answer and your book if
    you ever write one.

    Joe
    Sydney.

    MY COMMENTS:

    Well Joe, I HAVE written a book (sniff, sniff,
    pout, pout) it’s just not about cranio sacral per
    se.

    Anyway I’ll pull in my bottom lip for a minute
    and answer your question.

    Yes, this work is fundamentally energetic but
    it doesn’t follow that we don’t need to learn
    technique or to know about anatomy and physiology.

    That would be like saying that playing a
    musical instrument is basically about passion and
    expression so why do we need to practice the
    scales or learn how to read music.

    Learning technique is like learning the scales
    on a musical instrument or the mastering brush
    strokes in painting.   Learning physiology and
    anatomy is like learning to read music or the
    rules of perspective in drawing.

    Once these skills are mastered and the
    knowledge becomes part of you then you are into
    the expression and passion side of things.  At
    that point your craniosacral work will be very
    energetic.

    Got it?

    Not really.

    Okay, here are a couple of stories to
    illustrate the point.

    I have been roller blading for about 7 years
    now.  In the beginning I just got it into my head
    that I wanted to learn so I bought myself some
    skates and went to the nearest bike track and just
    . .  started.

    I fell over a lot but with practice got the
    hang of it.  Within a couple of weeks I was able
    to go forward without falling over and was very
    pleased with myself.

    If you had asked me back then if I could roller
    blade I would have said yes and I would have been
    right, to a point.

    I skated like that for 4 years.  Then I
    befriended someone who was a roller blading
    instructor.  I thought the idea of having lessons
    was a bit below me, I was self taught after all,
    but I gave it a go.

    The difference was remarkable.  With a few
    simple lessons and practicing some simple drills I
    was skating better, faster, for far greater
    distances, with greater ease and confidence going
    up and down hills I would never have dreamed of
    and all with a lot more safety.

    4 years of skating hadn’t actually improved my
    skating.  I discovered that practice doesn’t make
    perfect it just makes permanent.  It wasn’t until
    I had those lessons and practiced the right things
    and yes, some of the drills I had to practice were
    boring, that I really began to skate.

    When I am out skating now, I sometimes pass
    someone who reminds me of what I must have looked
    like before I had those lessons.  Sweating a lot,
    working very hard but inefficiently and with very
    little grace or control.

    Here’s my second story.

    One day a Zen master cam upon a group of men.
    A large boulder had become dislodged in a
    landslide and the men were trying to shift it out
    of the road.  They had obviously been at it for a
    while because they were covered in sweat.  It was
    also obvious that they weren’t having any success
    because the boulder hadn’t moved an inch.

    The men recognised the Zen master and asked him
    if he could help.  He told them to have a rest
    while he reviewed the situation.  The men sat on
    the grass and watched the master closely.

    He walked around the boulder once and then came
    to a stop at a point that seemed significant to
    him but didn’t look any different to the men.

    He placed his two hands on the boulder and
    began to apply gentle pressure to the boulder.
    The men looked at each other thinking the master
    had gone a bit soft in the noggin.

    Suddenly the boulder began to move and rolled
    off the road.  The men were astonished.  They
    rushed forward cheering and congratulating the
    master.

    When they asked him how he did it, he replied
    that the difficult part was seeing which way the
    boulder wanted to go.  Once he saw that he simply
    helped it go the way it wanted to go.

    I love that story.  I read it about 18 years
    ago and I’ve never forgotten it.  The thing about
    it is that if you took the master aside and asked
    him how he ‘saw’ which way the boulder wanted to
    go he would have told you that it took him years
    to get to the point where he could see it.

    He would tell you that when he started out
    years beforehand he was just like the men
    struggling.  He would then tell you how he had
    gone through a series of learning steps to get to
    the point where he could see.

    But you never get that kind of ‘behind the
    scenes’ with those Zen stories you just get the
    wisdom.  Which is great but it can make you feel
    like you will never be as cool and have ‘moving
    really big boulders’ as your party trick.

    Cranio sacral teachers are faced with a
    dilemma.  They have had the dazzling insight that
    it is, as you say, all energetic but they also
    know that they did a lot of ground work to get to
    the insight.

    Good teachers manage to convey both aspects.
    The need to learn good techniques so it can lead
    to the fluidity of expression.

    My experience of teaching students who had been
    through trainings that focused on the end result
    and left out the steps to get there was that they
    were very broad spectrum in their approach.

    Lots of very colourful descriptions about how
    they and the patients body were feeling but very
    little specific information about what the root
    cause was physically and mechanically.  And when
    questioned more closely, had a very shaky grasp on
    the anatomy of the region they were describing.

    Here’s another reason to know the anatomy and
    physiology.  Once you start to become competent in
    cranio sacral work the word of mouth builds
    quickly.  But the word of mouth won’t be about how
    cranio sacral therapy works it will be just that
    you were able to help someone.   When people come
    to see you they will often be doing so against the
    consensus of their friends and family.

    The fact that you can understand the language
    their doctor uses and can explain the physical
    aspect of their symptoms to them in language that
    is familiar and similar to the language their
    doctor uses goes a long way to soothing their
    concerns.

    Which explanation do you think sounds most
    reassuring?

    ‘Your head feels very tight and heavy and I’m
    sensing a lot of tension on the left side.  It
    feels very red and angry.’

    or

    ‘Your head feels to me like it is overfull with
    cerebrospinal fluid.  The reason for this is that
    one of the bones that forms the floor of you skull
    on the left hand side, the particular bone is
    called your temporal bone, is being pulled inwards
    by the membrane that attaches to it.

    This has the effect of pinching your jugular
    vein because the hole that your jugular vein goes
    through is actually formed in the junction of your
    temporal bone and another bone called your
    occipital bone.

    Blood is pumped into your head by your heart
    but there is nothing in your head pumping the
    blood back out again.  So it’s really important
    that the channels of drainage out of your head
    are clear and unrestricted.

    One of those channels of drainage is your
    jugular vein.  So you can see that if it is
    pinched then the blood being pumped into your head
    can’t drain out as quickly as it needs to.  So you
    get the sort of pressure build up that can cause
    the sorts of headaches you are getting.’

    Learn the physiology and anatomy Joe and master
    all the techniques.  They will lead you to mastery
    of the energetic work at the heart of cranio
    sacral.

    So that’s it for this issue.  Your
    steak knives are in the mail.

    Cheerio for now.

    Till the next time.

    Your Mate,

    John D.

  • Cranio Sacral Therapist and Student Newsletter 29

    November 22 – 2007

    Questions and comments for this issue:

    + Cranio sacral therapy on FaceBook.
    + Working with energy.
    + Reframing.
    + Cerebral palsy and the blueprint
    + More on the arachnoid mater from Al Pelowski in South Africa.

    Hello John,
    If you were one of the many therapists that
    sent me your profiles to have them listed, then
    have a look here to see I got everything right.
    Right picture, right spelling, right on man! (or
    Woman!)
    http://www.open-source-cranio.com/therapists/listing.html

    Speaking of right on women, Rene from New
    Zealand let me know about a cranio sacral therapy
    group on Face book.  I’ve had a look and think it
    is a spiffing idea.  It’s great to be able to put
    faces to names and connect with fellow therapists
    across the world.

    Yes, it is a bit of a pain signing up and
    creating a profile but worth it, no?
    http://www.facebook.com/

    Now. . .
    . . . this newsletter is slightly different to
    others in that half the content is on my website.
    The reason for this is the inclusion of video and
    images.

    The first article is about how I use energy
    when I am working and includes a detailed diagram
    of energy flow.  There is also an amazing video
    illustrating how you can work with high levels of
    energy and not have it affect you.  Be a good egg
    and let me know what you think.
    You can read it here.

    The second article is about how to use
    reframing to help you when you hit a wall in
    practice or study.  In fact you can use reframing
    in all aspects of your life.  The article starts
    off with a great little video which illustrates
    the power of a reframe.
    You can read it here.

    I’ll wait while you go and have a look at them.

    Finished?

    Okay then, let’s get on with the mailbag.

    ***QUESTION***

    Hi John

    I would like to know a bit more about working with
    Cerebral Palsy. What is the best approach?  Is
    there any chance for the person to recover some of
    their functions or is it too much to ask to the
    body? I suppose it requires to go back to the blue
    print. Your comments about the blue print in the
    last newsletter were very interesting. My only
    problem is that I am a kinaesthetic kind of person
    and images don’t talk to me very much. Could you
    tell me how the blue print feels so I know that
    what I feel under my hands is the blueprint or
    something else. This would be very useful for me.
    Thank you.
    Odile, Brisbane.

    Odile Grisel

    Home

    MY COMMENTS:

    Hello Odile,
    Thank you for your email.

    I have had some good success with cerebral
    palsy and I’ve had some no-change-at-all’s.  When
    I think about what was common among the successes
    the main thing was that the people were young.
    Under 3yrs old.

    When treating cerebral palsy I generally find
    myself working with the nervous system.  From the
    hemisphere of the brain involved out to the
    periphery.  Following the nerves, working to
    enhance the integrity where it is diminished.

    I have heard some therapists say they find lots
    of limb unwinding very useful to unlock the
    central restrictions.  I haven’t found that myself
    but pass it on in case you find it useful.

    I never think of treatment in terms of, ‘Is
    this too much to ask of the body?’  At this stage
    I have seen so many apparent ‘miracles’ that I
    know the body is capable of anything.  So it is
    never a case of CAN this happen but more a case of
    IS it going to happen?

    It can often be a blueprint problem, which
    leads me to your second question about describing
    what the blueprint feels like without using
    images.

    I had to put my thinking cap on for that one.
    Here’s what I got.  To me, the blueprint feels
    very whispy and mist-like, but not moist. It feels
    like touching a smoke ring that pulses with
    flexion and extension and releases like solid
    tissue.

    Phew!  Okay I’m going to take my thinking cap
    off now because my head is hurting.

    ***FOLLOW ON COMMENT FROM AL PELOWSKI***

    Hallo John and thanks for the latest issue!
    Gets me going on my deck in early morning Joburg
    visualising teacups…

    I especially wanted to comment, to give a
    different slant on what you said about the spider
    web mother.

    So here goes.  Let me know what you think of this
    version.

    Starting with the nervous system’s generative
    membrane, the ependyma, all else follows.

    Leaving out the details..just remember that most
    membranes grow in a doubling process.  They grow
    with a potential space between.  The space is
    where canals and tissues form.

    The primitive ependyma lining the neural tube is
    doubled.  The inner layer keeps its name but the
    other layer becomes the pia between the two layers.
    Ependymal cells differentiate to form the brain &
    spinal cord.  The pia also doubles to form a
    potential space for blood–pia intima and  pia
    externa, it provides a capillary network for the
    brain.

    Some bits of pia are left in the ventricles bound
    up with the ependyma  and together form the
    choroid plexi the outer layer of pia, the ‘pia
    externa’ is doubled as well its outer layer
    becomes the arachnoid between are pulled out fine
    reticulin fibres–the spider web the arachnoid
    sprouts little cauliflower-like buds as it grows-
    granulations.

    The ependyma, pia and arachnoid grow out of each
    other and are referred  to as the ‘leptomeninges’
    in many texts.  They are epethelia–derived from
    the zygote wall they are closely related to the
    inner linings of organs and to the epidermis all
    epithelia share a wide variety of peptides and
    receptors.

    “As the inside, so the outside.”  Gut / brain /
    skin growing more slowly along with the rest of
    the body, the dura is not  epithelial, but
    connective tissue related to bone and blood.  it
    comes to form the fascial sac around the arachnoid
    mater.

    A whole different animal.   It doesn’t need to bath
    itself in CSF.  But it too is a doubled membrane
    and its potential space becomes canalised for
    venous blood.  The arachnoid graulations become
    surrounded by and incorporated into the inner
    layer of dura as it grows.

    The granulations (like the choroid) contain highly
    specialised cells which are involved in transport.
    some cells can move waste out of the CSF into the
    venous return.  Others will to abstracting
    material from the blood into the CSF.

    All this gets more interesting when you see how
    the 4th ventricle foramina form as the ependymal-
    pial separation occurs.  the whole thing is
    designed to link qualities of blood and CSF
    without haphazard mixing.

    The leptomeninges can only survive and function in
    the amniotic-CSF environment, inside and out.  The
    dura doesn’t mind blood at all and never comes
    into touch with CSF.

    Keep it up

    Al

    >>>MY COMMENTS:

    Thanks for that Al, you describe things real sweet.

    So that’s it for this issue.

    Cheerio for now.

    Till the next time.

    Your Mate,

    John D.

  • Lesson B2.27.0 –  Working with energy.

    Lesson B2.27.0 – Working with energy.

    What follows is a description of my experience of working with energy in Cranio Sacral Therapy. It is intended as an adjunct to any energy work you may already have experience in. My intention is to explore different ways of working with energy that are very effective with Cranio Sacral Treatment.

    There are many different ways to look at what is happening during energy work and it is best to find a way that makes sense to you.

    If you find the idea of working with energy a little ‘out there’ think of it like this; if you went back in time and tried to describe how television worked to someone back in the middle ages, they would probably say it sounded like magic.

    “These images are floating around in the air all the time, yet they can’t be seen. But, with the right receiver you can see pictures of something happening on the other side of the planet.”

    Nowadays it is all very normal and explainable. I suggest you approach energy work in the same way. Be as practical about it as possible all the while having gratitude for the gift of whatever energy comes through you.

    A key aspect of energy is that Energy Follows Thought.

    You can encourage something to release in a very specific way by putting your Intention on it. Your intention is energised by the energy that comes to the assistance of your intent to help.

    The cells of our bodies adhere to a continually renewing energetic blueprint we first establish in the womb. What gives this blueprint its potency is the movement of cerebro spinal fluid, in what we call flexion and extension. This energetic blueprint sets the outlines for the structures we are familiar with, heart, lungs, etc. The blueprint also includes the unseen connections between these structures, what in Chinese medicine are called Meridians. Another aspect to the blueprint are the structures that conduct energy flow through our system in the same way water flows through a hose.

    ENERGY MODEL FOR HEALING
    One of the things we are doing when we treat people is we are working to help this blueprint to repair itself. I have found there is a specific circuit we work with. It starts with perceiving energy leaving our right hand and entering our left hand. Our right hand is the one we use to put energy in with and the left is for taking excess energy out.

    PRACTICE
    You can feel this if you hold your hands about three inches apart and tune into them. You will first feel energy between your hands.

    Follow the flow of energy coming out of your right hand. Up to your elbow and generally coming from the right side of your torso. Feel where the source of the energy is coming from.

    Now hold that thought while you feel the next bit.

    You can sense energy coming down from the sky or universe and also up from the Earth. The energy from the universe has a light, airy and vast quality. While the energy from the earth is grounded, solid and deep.

    You can feel it entering your body on the left hand side and leaving it on the right. The energy from the universe and the earth meet as they enter your body. Energy
    enters through the left side of your head from the universe and up through your left foot from the earth.

    It converges in your torso, crosses your body to the right side and travels down your right forearm and out of your right hand.

    The energy that is picked up by your left hand travels up your left forearm is pulled into the left side of your torso. It crosses your body and diffuses up and down to leave
    through the right side of your head out through your right leg & foot.

    Confused? Here is a diagram that will help.

    Energy flow in the body

    The flow between our hands is the focal point for the sort of work we do. Having a sense of this circuit will allow you to tap into as much energy as is required. Knowing that you are availing of energy flowing through you will help you conserve your own energy and not feel so drained from the work.

    To get a visual reference for how you can have a lot of energy flow through you without being drained by it, have a look at this video. It is of a man who works on high voltage cables. They are not turned off. He is flown in by helicopter and wears a faraday suit which the high voltage flows through. Apart from it being a fascinating video clip, it’s a great example of how you can work with a lot of energy and it not affect you.

  • Burnout

    + Question about therapist burnout. – July 08

    Hi John

    Thank you for the very valuable information shared
    by you and other CS therapists.  I’ve been a
    little out of circuit lately – life’s little
    challenges – so even though you may have not had a
    response from me, I’m still keen to remain
    connected.

    My preference would be more frequent shorter news
    rather than the other.
    Kindly advise what the donations will be used for.

    Any suggestions for therapist burn out ? A long
    awaited holiday is needed, I know ,and am busy
    working toward one.  My forearms are taking strain
    and was told that Kinesiology NOT treatment can
    help.  I’m pretty good at caring for myself but
    what with juggling teaching yoga, CST, VM and my
    latest baby, doing readings it has all suddenly
    caught up with me.  I keep the yoga, therapy and
    readings for separate days giving me enough time
    to replenish.  Please throw some light (energy) on
    this subject.

    Kindly yours

    Peni in Cape Town

    >>>MY COMMENTS:

    Hello Peni,
    There are lots of different energetic
    considerations when considering burnout but the
    one that stands out to me, from what you have
    written, is that you are doing A LOT!

    It may be nothing to do with any of the
    therapies that you are doing individually.  It may
    be that you are doing so many plus your new baby.
    I’m getting tired just thinking about it.

    It sounds like you know what I am going to say
    next but I’ll say anyway.  It’s important to find
    a way, that works for you, of removing any
    residual energy after you treat someone.

    For some people this means a full shower for
    others it is simply letting water run over their
    hands.

    Avoid seeing too many people in a week.  I have
    found that somewhere between 12 and 18 adults is
    about as much as most people can treat with cranio
    sacral therapy without burning out very quickly.

    Even if you find a way of removing excess
    energy after each person and you don’t see too
    many people you will still need to take a break
    every 3 months for at least 7 days.

    On top of all that you need to take a long
    break, around 6 months, every 10 years.

    It took me 12 years to figure that one out.

    What will the donations be used for?

    Well mainly to keep me in cigars and wine, oh
    yes and also to help me run open source cranio.
    It takes a lot of time and I do have to pay for
    things like web hosting etc.  I also plan to put
    teaching videos on the site and these all cost
    money to make.

    Primarily the ‘donate’ button is an opportunity
    for people to give back.  This is good for me, not
    just because of the cigars and wine, but also
    because it’s important to be able to receive, me
    included.  I have found that if you can’t receive
    comfortably then you can’t really give.